my last one, my only one

granny no longer recognize us.
dad has to tell her: " yr grandson and grand-daughter has come and visit u"
maybe she just woke up, feeling dizzy... it took her awhile to realize that we've came.
she broke the silence.
cried. helding her weak arms, towards her chest, beating it. keep saying she's useless.
she blame herself for being a burden for her children.
blame herself for the sons & daughter-in-laws numerous quarrels.
blame herself for all the shoutings, and throwing of chairs over the heads. because no one wants to take care of her, and yet some refused to pay for the maid.

i used to like going back during my younger days. was hoping mom and dad would bring us back every weekend. cos all my cousins are there. we share secrets, played games, run around the whole kampong, pluck rambutans from the tree. stand by the side of the durian tree waiting for one of them to drop. laughed our hearts out when the mango fell down, hit the car bonet and make a big dent. disturb the dogs when they're sleeping, and ran for our lives when the dogs got angry and give chase.

but mom n dad were busy. making both ends meet. was hoping dad would bring us back every weekend. but it became every year end instead.

days had changed. time had changed. i grew up. less burden for dad. things are getting better. but granny fell sick. visits became frequent. from every year, become every month, and now, it became every week. granny initially smile when she sees us more. pointing to the mango trees, telling us to bring some mangos back home when we left. gradually, she only sits on the couch outside e house, waiting for us. she soon couldnt walk. we greet her by her bed.

now i no-longer hope to go back. each time was a terrible ending. brother and i left in silence. speechless.
we duno how to make her feel better.
we cant tell her she's dying. even thou she knew her days are getting shorter.
daughter-in-laws are faking their smiles. throwing knifes behind as if they're darts. each time anyone of them got hit by the darts, their husbands suffered.
granny knew.
granny cried.
but things dun get better. granny dun get better. the daughter-in-laws dun get better.

even the maid pity granny.

-my prayers havent been heard. -